That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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