I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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