His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
