My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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