Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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