I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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