in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
