fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
