His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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