my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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