my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
