PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
thus making me awesome and them whores
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
