I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
