I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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