thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
