I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
