I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize