like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
