OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
