She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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