do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
