Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
