So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
