My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
