Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
