with your own penis?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
