the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
