Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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