I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
