alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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