You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
