I'm gonna have a badass scar
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
