i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
