Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
