I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
