I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
