Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
