I wish you could order shots online.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize