He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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