if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
