I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
