Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
