I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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