Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
