You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
