i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
