I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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