A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
