I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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