He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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