When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
