I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
