when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
