you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
