Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
