woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
