Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize