Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
