Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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