Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
