Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
