I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
