Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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