Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
