Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
