I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
