I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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