i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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