You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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