Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
