I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
