No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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